One day, I was not feeling very good and Jerry took Brooke to dancing class for me so I could get some rest. When I got up from my chair, I noticed I was bleeding. It was very early in the pregnancy still, so it was very scarry. I called Jerry and he came right home and took me to ER. There we found out I was carrying twins and had just miscarried one of them, but the other baby was doing ok and had a good heart beat. I was sent home to bed rest for a couple days, just to be sure the other baby would be just fine.

On July 13th, my ob nurse called with news that my AFP test ( alpha feta protein) level was high and I needed to call a perinatologist for a level 3 ultrasound right away. We hung up the phone and I immediately called the number she gave me, but the office had already closed. I had so many questions and really did not even know what this news meant. By the time I decided to call the office back for more information, their office was closed as well. I paced the house not knowing what to do, and finally decided I should have my ob doctor paged, so I did. He called me back and was very nice and gave me alot of information on what this meant. His words will forever be in my head and I will never forget his statement which made me know for sure something was definetely wrong. His statement was " I am not going to tell you not to worry, because I know you will, and I also will not tell you not to worry because there is cause for concern" I knew at this point he knew something as well, but couldnt tell me for sure.

After I got off the phone, I immediately went to the internet to find out what spina bifida was. I really did not know much about it and was trying to prepare myself for the news. So many people told me not to worry as these tests are often incorrect, but it had been a hard pregnancy from the start and I knew deep down something was wrong.

The next morning I called the perinatologists office and they were wonderful about getting me in right away so we would not have to wait to find out the news. We hurried and got there as soon as we could and when we did, they did an ultrasound and first found the " lemon shape" of the babies head. They went on and it took a few minutes (which seemed like a life time) till they saw the lesion on the back as well. My doctor said very compassionately to us that our baby does have spina bifida, and I remember him putting his hand on my arm to console me! The whole office was a great group of people!! The good news is that the lesion appeared to be low on the babies back. The lower the lesion, the less nerve damage that occurs with the very common birth defect, which affects 1 out of 1,000 births. They also did an amnio at the time, to rule out any chromosome disorders and to confirm the spina bifida.

I knew abortion was not an option, especially when I felt the only reason for abortion would be because a baby with a birth defect would be an "inconvience" to our lives. "Abortion" I thought as the doctor had to supply us with all information he could. I was amazed to think that anyone could even consider that as an option!! I knew God gave us this baby for a reason and this baby would be loved no matter what. This is the reason I chose this song for this page, I think it is very appropriate. Everyone always prays for God to give them a healthy baby. God chose to give us this baby for a reason and this is some of the words to "Unanswered Prayers" by Garth Brooks:

"Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers, remember when you're talking to the man upstairs, just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care, some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers".

The news was very hard to hear even though I tried to prepare myself ahead of time for the news. With 2 healthy children already, it was hard to believe and hard to understand why this was happening. Jerry and I went home and spent most of the day on the couch in each others arms crying. Finally, I got on the internet to search for more information and support.

We had a very difficult time telling our families and Jerry did not want to talk about it at all, so I made the phone calls. This made everything seem more real and also very scarry for us. A few family members told me that they thought there was a surgery for spina bifida inutero, but I had never heard of it before, so I then again began to search the internet for even more information.

~*Our Answer*~

When doing research on the internet, I ran into Vanderbilt's web page about an experimental procedure inutero to close up the babies lesion giving it a better outcome as far as brain development and possibly even leg movement. The research looked very promising, so I emailed some families that had links on Vanderbilts web page, plus I called the number to get more information. I talked to Susan Stockell(Dr. Bruner's secretary)on the phone several times and she was so helpful and so informative. There were some things to consider with the surgery, but it seemed like everything fell into place for us. My insurance was willing to pay,(which is a miracle in itself) and my employer was willing to give me off all the time I needed for the procedure. Our babies chromosomes came back normal which was good news. Without normal chromosomes, I would not be able to do the surgery. Within a couple weeks, I was scheduled for the surgery, everything was happening so fast.

There were a lot of risks involved with the surgery, the major one being prematurity, but it seemed like the benefits out weighed the risks and I felt I needed to go through with the surgery. I would not be able to live with myself if our son came up to us 15 years from now knowing the surgery was available and wanted to know why I was not willing to give him a better chance of life. Most of my decision was based on not necessarily the increased leg movement, but I wanted a child who would "know us". The surgery does not correct the damage that is already done to the nerves and it is not a correction to the spina bifida, it is simply a procedure to prevent the damage from getting any worse which they think would happen from the uterine walls rubbing up against the lesion and the anmiontic fluid damaging the open lesion to the exposed nerves.

On August 26th, 1999, I had the surgery. I was 2 days short of my 24th week at the time of the surgery. The surgery went well, and Dr. Bruner baptised our son in whom we had named "Dillon", inutero as well. I got a bit of pneumonia after the surgery and was very sick to my stomach for a few days, so I had to stay in the hospital an extra day, but Jerry and I flew home on Tuesday September 1st. The flight was fine, I was so worried about traveling after the surgery but it was no problem. The highlight of the flight was that sitting right across from us was Vince Gill!!! I will forever regret not speaking to him!! He flew on the flight from Nashville to Minneapolis where we switched planes.

I was on bed rest till Dillon was born, had a tributiline pump (a medicine that was pumped into me 24 hours a day to prevent preterm contractions), and hooked up to a monitor 2 times a day to monitor the contractions. The time went fast and it wasnt as bad as I thought. The first couple of weeks were rough and I was pretty sore, but it all went ok. I was taken very good care of at my doctors office and by family members and friends that would help out with the kids, help clean my house and bring over meals. Everyone was very positive about the surgery which was a great support for me.

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